I finished on September 28th and immediately got caught up in a whirlwind of buses and planes and road trips. It hasn't really got to settle in until now that I am not on a series of zero days.
Adjustment back to civilization has been very hard. Out on the trail I used to make fun of the fear mongering that goes on. It was about poodle dog bush or puma's or bears or snow or snakes or water levels or anything that was unknown. Out there, I knew what to fear and what not to. I was level headed and things made sense. Everything that was important; food, water, shelter, being warm; stayed important and all the local drama was just white noise.
Now back in civilization the tables are turned. I am fearful and stressed about everything. People are so complicated. I have food water and shelter, in abundance so I should be relaxed. Instead my people pleasing tendencies seem to be getting the best of me. I have never been very natural around people and now it is even worse. Every human interaction makes me on edge. Even the person I spent so much time with on trail seems alien to me.
Where is the beauty in concrete? In pavement and cars and clothes and fancy soaps. There is no beauty left for me here after being in real beauty for so long.
It has been and will continue to be a hard transition. As finances run thin and I need to get a job, all I want to do is build a cabin in the woods and disappear for a while. Maybe for a long while. Maybe forever.
